It’s time again for our regular Q & A with cougar dating expert Lucia. Here she handles some tricky relationship dilemmas, covering workplace encounters, date conversation topics and the sexual differences between older and younger women.

Mandy M. writes: I’ve been with my man now for about 6 months, he’s 27 and I’m exactly 20 years older. We met at work and things are going great between us apart from one thing - he won’t tell our co-workers about our relationship. He tells me that it’s because our boss might think it was unprofessional that we are dating, but I think he’s ashamed about our age difference and what his buddies at work will say. Shall I just tell everyone at work or agree to keep it quiet? Read more »

Well, I’m really excited to have Stan onboard. A young male blogging on here should make for interesting – if sadly virtual – interaction.

As it happens, that interview story of his got me thinking all the way back to my first experience with a younger man. I mentioned in my own opening post that I have bad memories of bedding a seventeen year old when I was in my early twenties. I’m still shuddering. However, he wasn’t my first. In fact, my very, very first sexual encounter was with a younger man in college. I hardly qualified as puma then, let alone a cougar. But still, one doesn’t become the Cougar Queen overnight, and this is proof.

As the French exchange student, I had a reputation to live up to. But the truth is, I was sweet and innocent back then. This resulted in an uncanny role reversal: the younger one was initiating the older one. The boy would give me oral sex right on High School turf, during the bi-weekly theatre rehearsals, which went on for a good few months. The fact that I was white and he was black was just an extra kick, because this happened, of all places, in Arkansas. It was all deliciously dangerous. One of my classmates caught us walking out of our secret closet once, but to her credit, she never told anyone. If she had, I doubt I would have lived to tell this story.

Great memories.  No shuddering. Or maybe yes, actually, a slight shudder. But one of pleasure and longing… as I recall his dark, toned body and his educated tongue educating me.

I don’t really think of myself as someone who goes after older women. Though my introduction to the joys of adult loving happened via the older (much older!) stepsister of my best friend in high school, my romantic dalliances have usually been with girls around my own age. But…I don’t know….youth has it charms, but… youth is wasted on the young, you know? I want a certain lack of flightiness, a gravity, yes, a maturity in my relationships.

But still, I have not made it a point to date older women or anything, until…well, it was a job interview a couple of weeks ago. Read more »

Well hello Cubs, hello Cougars. I’ve just realised how long it’s been since I last wrote – I knew it had been a while – but not quite that much time!

Last time I wrote I was still in Laos, and after two months in Asian Cubland, adapting again to my life in London took some time. You’d have thought that coming home for a Brazilian Christmas Eve party would have been fun. Well it wasn’t. First of all, because their traditional Christmas food is cod, which didn’t cut it for me. But my main problem wasn’t the cod at the dinner table, it was more the lack thereof in the bedroom. Twenty-four year old Eduardo (if you remember him), despite professing that it was alright for me to hunt whilst on holiday, didn’t walk the walk. He was not OK with my Lao affair at all. Read more »

Our very own age gap relationship advisor Lucia is hosting a unique speed dating event open to men aged 21-35 and women of 38-50.

Even if you’ve never tried speed dating, you probably know someone who has, or you’ve seen it given the Hollywood treatment on The 40 Year Old Virgin, Hitch and Sex and the City.

If you’re a guy who loves the charm and sophistication of sexy older women, or you’re a fabulous woman who prefers the vitality of younger men, then this is your chance to take it to the next level.

Places are limited, so you’d better hurry to apply if you fancy taking part. Details as follows:

WHEN: Wednesday, February 11, 2009
WHERE: Club Sushi, 6374 W Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, Ca
PRICE: $39
RSVP: www.cougarspeeddate.com

Lucia: dating expert

Relationships expert Lucia is on hand to answer your cougar dating questions. If you have a dating dilemma or a romance riddle and you need some straight talking advice, send your questions to asklucia@cougared.com and we will do our best to feature your question right here on the cougared.com blog.

To kick us off, here is the first Q & A with Lucia.

Susan F. writes: I had some professional photos taken and I look great in them - in fact much more glamorous and sexy than I do in real life. I really want to use them on my internet dating profile but I’m worried that when I meet a younger guy in real life he’ll be disappointed that I’m not such a sexy older woman after all. Maybe I should put more regular picture on there instead? Please help! Read more »

Taking a break from shagging my new and shiny Lao toy boy, I went for a walk around Vientiane. It’s nice and hot out here – much hotter in fact that I’d like, and that despite the umbrella I’m carrying around in an attempt to shield myself from the scorch.

I’m not the only one carrying such a shading device. Besides young-women-on-motorbikes, there is one other breed of Lao using umbrellas in Vientiane: Buddhist monks. And there are lots of young ones walking around. All of them draped in bright orange, and most of them under black umbrellas. It’s a challenging look, but they make it work. Read more »

Twenty-one is a bit of a record, even for me. I rarely go below the twenty-five mark. However, despite his very young age, (or possibly because of it?) Phet is a great lover. I’m happy and blessed here: we’re highly compatible and sex is fantastic.

In fact here is something I have noticed before: exotic young men seem to have a better understanding of sex than their Western counterparts. Maybe it’s in their genes, or in the hot climates, but I think it’s more likely down to experience and practice. They seem to be early starters. Read more »

As I explained in my last post, flirting with Phet, who’s 21 and speaks no English, is a testing exercise. But so far, so good.

The bus trip to Vang Vieng is going very well I feel. I’m not sat near the boy, he is a couple of rows ahead, across the aisle. I am smiling a flutter of eyelashes at him every time he looks back at me. And he looks back at me regularly. Yep, it’s definitely going very well. Read more »

I’ve seduced many a younger brother before, most often those of my friends. I have also seduced my own younger brother’s friends and, on occasion, their younger brothers too. So I guess you could say that I’m a sort of expert at the younger brother thing.

However, seducing Lana’s younger brother Phet is somewhat of a novelty. Firstly, our connection is as little more tortuous, since he is my school friend Lloyd’s Lao wife Lana’s younger brother. Secondly, at 21, he’s the youngest young brother I’ve ever targeted. And thirdly – and here is the real crunch – we cannot communicate through language. Read more »