Q & A with Lucia: office romances, sex and what to say on a date

It’s time again for our regular Q & A with cougar dating expert Lucia. Here she handles some tricky relationship dilemmas, covering workplace encounters, date conversation topics and the sexual differences between older and younger women.

Mandy M. writes: I’ve been with my man now for about 6 months, he’s 27 and I’m exactly 20 years older. We met at work and things are going great between us apart from one thing - he won’t tell our co-workers about our relationship. He tells me that it’s because our boss might think it was unprofessional that we are dating, but I think he’s ashamed about our age difference and what his buddies at work will say. Shall I just tell everyone at work or agree to keep it quiet?

Lucia’s advice: Your guy does have a point.  Not everyone is open to these types of relationships and he may not want to be hassled at work.  It’s neither a fair nor loving thing to tell the office your business when he’s not comfortable with it. Having said that, has he introduced you to family and friends?  If he hasn’t, then it may be time to rethink the relationship.

Stevie P. writes: I have never had sex with an older woman before but it’s something I think about all of the time. So far I have only slept with two girls (I am 22) and to be honest it has been a bit of a disappointment. I think that maybe I’m just more attracted to the maturity and confidence that an older lover might bring. Is there a big difference between older and younger women when it comes to sex or is it just my imagination?

Lucia’s advice: Is the pope Catholic?  I would certainly hope that there is a difference between older and younger women – both in bed and elsewhere. Young girls are much less confident and more self conscious about their bodies and their experience.  They are usually not comfortable with their sexuality. Older women are the total opposite.  They’ve generally had more lovers and more experience.  They have learned to let go in bed and know what men want and need.  They are much more confident and accepting of themselves.

Marcus K. writes: I have a date lined up with a lady who is way older with me, about 25 years in fact. She’s probably in her early 50s and I’m late-twenties. She’s really hot, sexy and smart, which is kind of the problem for me, I just don’t know if I can handle a real woman. When I asked her out I felt like a little kid, all nervous. Luckily she said yes and now I’m panicking about what we’re going to talk about and whether we’ll have anything in common. Any suggestions for topics and how to handle it?

Lucia’s advice: Well unless you want to study for your date, you can only talk about what you know. She’s not going to expect you to be a scholar.  Talk about what is going on in your life, your hopes, your dreams and your goals. She’s probably had a lot of experience dating, so if there is a lull in the conversation, she will not hesitate to fill it in. Otherwise, if worse comes to worse, you can both just stare at each other and smile.  When there is a connection, you don’t need to say much!

• To read more advice from Lucia, visit her website theartoflove.net